Liked Jokes 15 - Like This Joke

By Christopher Robinson
One-liners and short jokes as "LIKED" by a panel of social media judges!
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Liked Jokes 15 (NEW!)

My wife was so furious at me for stealing her clothes that I nearly crapped in “her” panties.
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Hiring Manager: “You wrote on your job application that “honesty” is your biggest weakness.  I don’t think honesty is a weakness.”
Job Applicant: “I don’t give a crap about what you think.”
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What did they call “electric eels” before electricity?
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Q.  What’s the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?
A.  The prostitute stops screwing you after you’re dead.
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I bought a “non-stick” frying pan. I can’t get the damn label off.
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Does “deviled ham” come from evil pigs?
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Q. Why is beer better than a wife?
A. Beer doesn’t say “take out the garbage.”
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“No child throws up in the bathroom.”
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“Items loaned or borrowed bound to break.”
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Q.  What’s the difference between a French kiss and an Australian kiss?
A.  One is given “down under.”
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I looked up from my bed and said "what a beautiful full moon." Then I said, "Where is my damn roof?"
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A toilet walks into a bar.  “Hey, buddy,” the bartender says, “have a drink on me.  You look flushed.”
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“Dammit I'm Mad” spelled backwards is “Dammit I'm Mad.”
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I asked my date if she was going to “hate herself in the morning.” “No,” she said.  “I hate myself now.”
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