I was addicted to lunch meat. I quit cold turkey.
Exercise bike, like new, $300. Ask for “Fats.”
You may be a redneck if your IQ increased 20 points when you “discovered the versatility of duct tape.”
I attend a 12-step group for compulsive talkers. It’s called “On Anon Anon.”
My friend was washing his car with his young son. I said a sponge would work better.
I invented an “eleven-foot pole.” It’s for people who will not touch anything with a “ten-foot pole.”
My girlfriend needs to “work out.” She’s starting to fit into my wife’s clothes.
Before the “drawing board” was invented, what did people “go back to?”
I got tired of holding in my stomach. I got married.
Last night, in the town square, there was a “hoedown.” Fortunately, paramedics responded immediately.
An owl walks into a bar and says, “Remember me?” The bartender says, “Are you kidding? You were a hoot.”
What did Geronimo say the first time he parachuted?
Q. How do you save a “drowning” lawyer?
A. Throw him a cement block.
I crossed a Cocker Spaniel, a rooster, and a ghost. I got a “cocker doodle boo.”