I had to sell my “bandwagon.” Everyone kept “jumping” on.
SHIN – “Bone in lower leg used to locate furniture in dark rooms.”
Most women want a guy who is sensitive, caring, and good-looking. Unfortunately, for women, most of these guys already have boyfriends.
I went to a psychic recently. He said, “What’s your name?” I said, “Man, you’re a fraud.”
I was arrested at Walmart for stealing “board games.” I took one “risk” too many.
My girlfriend broke up with me, so I stole her wheelchair.
I knew she would come crawling back to me.
What does “Bugs Bunny” carry for luck?
Q. What is Helen Keller’s favorite mouthwash?
Q. What’s a boxer’s favorite drink?
Q. Why did the sheep get a ticket for walking down the road?
A. She made an illegal “ewe-turn.”
My girlfriend accused me of cheating. I told her she was starting to sound like my wife.
I’m so poor that my wife can’t afford batteries. She has to have sex with me.
The cleaning lady is really mad at me. She wants a divorce.
“It doesn’t matter if you win or lose. What matters is if I win or lose.”